1. My bedtime stories.

Sometimes what we perceived as dreams or imaginations, or myths, or legends, without us knowing it, are indeed true stories. It's funny how sometimes the plausibility and some added (or made-up) details, can deceive us.

Pied Piper of Hamelin, as I remember, was my first book, read by dad every night as we (as in my brother and me) just loved the story. Everytime my dad finished the book, we'd talk how those villagers deserved what was coming to them.

Forget about the story. Let's focus on how impossible the story sounds, but it was deemed as a true story, happened in Hameln, Germany.

And the hypotheses written about this story, some concluded that he (the Piped Piper) was a paedophile, who kidnapped kids for his, err satisfactory. Some said that the Piped Piper was a fictional character, used by the people back then to explain the massive emigration done by the young children. Some sources believe that maybe a number of them children left to establish villages of their own. A bold move maybe? Hence the Pied Piper story, that gives them a plausible story to explain the stated happening.

So yeah, how many of us have thought about this? The story that we've heard for hundreds (if not thousands) of times, the story that we admire, the way the Pied Piper got rid of the mice. Pretty interesting story, till you heard about the accused truth. Creepy.

2. I grew up.

I grew up in a fishing village. I grew up playing football by the road sides. I grew up playing tags. I grew up digging for earthworms, used as baits as I love fishing. I grew up burning an old man's orchard (sorry pakcik). I grew up playing hide and seek. I grew up watching Bert and Ernie. I grew up with the Spiderman shirt on. I grew up wearing shorts 24-7. I grew up flying kites. I grew up playing marble. I grew up swimming in the shallow pond. I grew up beetle-wrestling. I grew up falling down from the second floor, bruising my chin. I grew up eating junkfoods. I grew up with Power Rangers. I grew up with Carebears. I grew up barefoot. I grew up happily. Finally, I've grown up. For now.

Okay, I know the fact that everyone has opinion themselves, and they're entitled to it, but this one. It's stupidity, at its very best. For sport fans, mainly football fans, it's a no-brainer to say that Fernando Torres is the best striker in the world, but comparing it to Didier Drogba, while saying the latter is better, that's just blatant stupidity, or utter ignorance. I found it in this forum for Liverpoolfc.tv, and what bugs me is how he proudly tell everyone he's from Malaysia. Great now the whole world would think how so-not-knowledgeable Malaysian about football. One of the poster even joked about maybe it's Malaysians' April Fool!
Owh for goodness sake, sometimes things are better be kept to ourselves. He's such a disgrace to football fans, and us Malaysians!

A cup of coffee. Delicious chocolate Swiss roll. The ever-continuing dilemma of 'British-English' or 'American-English'. The sight of ever so threatening bunches of young guys, bald, with skinny jeans. Some innocent looking young guns are in those bunches. Ignites the thought, or provokes such thought, on ideas and principles.

There's no black nor white. It's either shades of gray, either dark or light gray, doesn't really matter. People stand for what they believe. Beliefs, stands, principles.

Call it whatever you want. We are not really in the position to judge people based on what they stand for. None of us are. These differences, for God's sake, are the things that make the world as it is today. It'd be a boring world if all of us share the same belief, no?

Our God-given mind, naturally, wants to be different. None of us wants to be exactly the same, or should I say none of us wants to be a carbon-copy of some other man, or woman. Or maybe some of us would be proud to be someone else?

Today is 19th of April, the eve of Adolf Hitler's birthday. He was quite a man. Shot himself for he didn't want to see his troops being defeated by the Ally force. A sad end for a pretty much great life, don't you think?

Whatever he believed in, he surely did everything that he could to tell the whole world. Got to give him some points for that.

Happy birthday Adolf Hitler.

Happy Whatever Day to me. Days are passing by, I'm older by the seconds.

Football season is on its peak. Liverpool are playing catch-up with them Mancs. Argentina lose to Bolivia, 6-1. But as they say, form is temporary, but class is permanent.

The world is facing yet another financial crisis, credit crunch. The brilliant system introduced by them capitalists, in the end, is not tad good after all. Several thousands are unemployed. Cost of living is hiking.

The sun is rising. It is not tad cold now. No more snow. No more slippery road. No more hurting arse. No more skiing. No more snowboarding.

People come and go. There's a new kind on the block. Or rather should I say there's a new old man, 'half-bald' cheeky-looking old man in the office? For fuck's sake, stop politicking and start leading instead.

And then there's the complain. They want freedom here and there. Freedom of speech, as they call it. And more and more. People are getting sick with this non sense. And again, can they just stop all this drama and theatrical act, and start being like a real leader instead?

Ooh complaining really makes me tired. I think I'm going to take a nap now. Ooh ooh, go you Redmen! You'll never walk alone!

My angel, my all, my very self,

Though I'm still feeling unwell, my thought is forever on you, my Immortal Beloved.
Your eyes shine on me, like the sun shine on the field of enchanted garden full with blossoming flowers. If only my heart can speak, believe me it would never stop telling you how beautiful those eyes are, how enchanting that smile of yours is. Pity that my heart can't write a song, or with this heart I swear it'd sing the graceful song of love and joy, telling how beautiful you are.

My angel, my all, my very self,

O how can you not see how this heart feels? It'll do anything for that love of yours my Immortal Beloved. This heart dances every time it sees you. O Love why are you doing such thing to this weak heart. Maybe it's fate, maybe it's luck, but all of that doesn't matter, because for the first time this tiny heart, no bigger than the size of my punch, feels really calm and happy with you.

My angel, my all, my very self,

Some says love is blind, but trust me my heart has never seen everything ever so clearly, not until it sees you, O my Love. Some says dreams are better than real life, but believe me O love, I can't close my eyes and dream, because I know in the end the reality is sweeter than anything I could thing of, all thanks to you, my Immortal Beloved.

My angel, my all, my very self,

You don't know how much do you mean to me O Love. You make me the happiest and the unhappiest of men. I promise you O Love that I will forever be yours, and only you that I hold on to, O dear Love. And that's what I'll do.

I can give you the stars,
I can give you the seas,
I can give you anything,
But just give me a kiss.

Yours truthfully, always have, always will.

I

I woke up in the middle of the night
And I noticed there's no one by my side

Silence is the song of the night
When I know I can't do anything right

I need shoulder for me to cry on
A wall for me to wail on
O Lord I wish that I'm not alone
Am I here just to be gone?

O why
O why
I don't want to cry
But tears already filled up my eyes

O Lord to Thou I kneel and pray
For this darkness to go away

II

O honey
O baby

I know I'm wrong
But I won't let you down
I will look after you
That I do

I'm sorry for the things I've done
Hope this guilt will forever be gone

O how I wish that you knew
Of the things I've been through

The look on my face might means nothing
But
The tears in my eyes will tell you everything

Lately I've been wondering about something. This thing has been disturbing me for about a year now. Not that I think about it every day, but kind of. It happened about 2 years ago.I was walking down this road one day. And what was going to happen next really surprised me. As I was saying, while walking down the road, an old man, or a beggar as we would call it, walked towards me. In this situation I have two options, maybe more but at that time there was only two that I could think of.

1.To walk pass him and ignore him, he was drunk anyway.
2.To wait for what he was going to do next.

And surprisingly my choice is the third one, that is to come to him and say hello. This was never a choice really because usually I would never do that. And there I was just stare at him and then I felt the feeling or itchiness or eagerness to talk to him.

'Pak cik apa nak dipolah kitak ya!' I said. Well in English it would be like
'What the hell are you doing there eh old man?'. Kind of.

He just looked at me and say nothing. I was so annoyed because in the first place it was him who come to me.

So I thought he was another crazy old man, a drunk old man is perfectly fit him, who just beg for money to get some booze. Or that was I though until I heard him said. ( From now on I'll translate it into English anyway. )

'When everything is shit, and that shit is your everything.'

At that point I never really understand what he was trying to say, or trying to try to say, but nevertheless I walked towards him and asked him what the hell he just said. And to make it worst he is an Iban man, and he doesn't speak Malay that well. But thank God I know a little of his dialect so from that point a conversation is likely to happen. He looked at me at ask me to walk with him in the park. At that point a really clever and smart human being will never ever take a walk with a stranger, that I know, and to make it worse he was really drunk at that time. And by drunk I mean he was wasted but impressively he looked calm and sober (yes I know that this is so impossible to happen, but it happened in front of me). But if you bet that I would not take a walk with him you had lost your wagers, thanks to this not-so-clever-numpty brain.

But anyway we took a walk in the park and to be honest at that point I never really know what's the point of hanging out with a drunk old man with a pathetic miserable life. And the answer would come sooner rather than later. As we walked, he ask me to sit on the bench and then he said something.

"I was lucky enough to see this world as it is. And you should know that it has been a long time since I talked to people. And by that I mean having a real conversation."

"Okay that wasn't surprising at all since you are 'Mr. Favourite' old man here." I said, trying to be witty.

And then he continued.

"Young man. You'll only live twice, one life for yourself and one life is for others."

That was weird, I thought that only my English teacher does believe that kind of philosophical Plato-esque style. I was like 17 years old when at that time (when this convo happened) and I never really care of my life at that point. All I ever care is money and the pleasure that it brings. So when he said that I was laughing my arse off because at that time he sounded pretty much like an old drunk man. But I stopped laughing as he looked really serious. Really. Serious.

"You think that I'm talking bollocks now eh lad?" he said.
"Have you ever been in this moment when everything, and I mean everything in your life is shit and pathetic, just like who you are!" he continued.

"You have a girlfriend eh lad?" he asked me.
"You should put the letter 's' to that word!" I retorted, trying to be funny but it didn't work!
"You see this is how the world works. I'm pretty confidence that your girlfriend(s) must act like shit eh?"
"Even though that's the case I can assure you that right now she's or they are the most important thing in you life,'ight?" he said.
"That was the thing that I was trying to tell you earlier. Everything is shit. Your school sucks to the max,your peers act shittingly, your teachers are talking bullshit,your parents ignore you, but then to think of it they are pretty much your everything, at least right now. Everything that's important in your life is bullshit. And that's why they mean everything to you. Without bullshit there's no beauty in our life. Imagine if there's only the good thing, what's the point of living? Imagine if the world is without drunk old miserable man like me, it'd be no point at all! There would be no alcoholic anonymous meeting! And life would be so boring. So thank to us your life is cool as it is." He said in a pretty drunkish mood, and was kinda proud of who he is.

"What about the second thing that you said to me? The 'You'll only live twice,one life for yourself and one for others' thing?What the hell were you saying?" I asked him.

"Well as the shits happen, we tend to live two lives. One is when we are alone, and one is when we are with others. People act a lot, and they do it quite well. The whole world is a play, and we are the actors in it. For me my life for the others is dead so now the only life that I have is life for myself. It's for me not for you,him,them or us, at least for now!"

And then we talked and talked till evening. The next day I saw him talking with another lad, maybe they are talking about what he had told me the day before.

What I'm trying to say is we are the same. There's no drunk man,hot,stupid,numpty :P people. And everything that we love and care about is hard to get and hard to keep. It's because they are shit, literally speaking. If we don't shit we'd die. That's the way it is. As much as we hate shit, we have to know that shit is part of our shitty shit life, and it plays a major role in our life too, and you'll only live twice. One is for other, and one is for yourself. We are lucky to have two live when others don't have one!

Thank you Orang Tua Mabuk!
Thank you very much!